So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
