i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
