i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
splinters make it hard to masturbate
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
