He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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