i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
