I have demons in me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
