Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
