made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
