can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
