haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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