Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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