I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
