i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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