Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
