Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
