got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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