she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
