So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
