First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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