The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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