Where is the hickey?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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