Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
