why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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