I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
