escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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