why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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