her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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