When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
