She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
