whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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