he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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