Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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