One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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