Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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