you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
