im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
