you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
