The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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