he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
