I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
