but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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