I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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