youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
