So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
