Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
