He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if only i could text you this smell
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
