this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
