I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
