Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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