You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
