Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
