Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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